The latest prenatal ritual ditches balloons for brewskis
June 18, 2006

Guys hit the shower -- the baby shower, that is
By Tralee Pearce

At first glance, there was nothing particularly notable about a group of twenty- and thirtysomething guys, sitting around hoisting pints of beer at a Toronto café. Until one of them got up to cross the room. Wearing a baby carrier. Filled with a sack of potatoes.

Freelance writer Eric Grant, 32, was the man of honour. The roving party included 10 friends for dinner and drinks at the café, followed by karaoke. And although there were no balloons or frilly cakes in sight, it was a men-only baby shower.

"This was the first one I had ever been to or heard of," says Grant, now the proud dad to Fletcher, born June 1 to wife Sarah Lawrence, 33. "I have to say it was nice being the centre of attention like that."

A visit to the daddytypes.com website reveals the man shower as a hot chat room topic. One man says he is working on a new concept to sell at fairs: the "Hit the Shower" for guys, complete with a "Tool Box" filled with diapers, wipes, disposable camera and baby pads. Another guy writes that that he felt left out of the baby shower thing, so he got his friends to throw a "Daddy Sauna" with drinks and cigars.

On WeeklyPlanet.com, writer Scott Harrell describes a man shower he recently attended as a kind of new-agey Braveheart affair.

"There was fire, and a cleansing ritual, and a menagerie of gifted organic objects, and a couple of really cool kilts so modern and equipped that they could only be called UtiliKilts, which they actually were."

The man shower is distinct from that other recasting of the baby shower, from an all-female girly event to a grown-up co-ed party.

The entertainment has evolved too. Instead of silly games such as the one that forces grown women to taste-test baby food, a popular female hazing ritual, a co-ed shower might feature a backyard barbecue.

"The men will have a chance to stand around the grill discussing the mysteries of the last trimester of pregnancy and the anxiety of becoming a father," according to an article on http://www.pregnancytoday.com.

But the "dad shower" has its own rituals, the website notes, including gag gifts like Tylenol and ear plugs, and, of course, in Grant's case, being forced to wear the baby carrier.

The shower took place a week before his wife's due date. "It was tight, but it added to the fun," Grant says. "So before the event I made sure I had a cellphone."

The idea came from his friend Gary Butler, 36, a magazine editor and himself a dad. "About three weeks before my wife's due day of May 22, Gary said, 'You know, you should have something where you go out with all your friends for maybe the last time you'll be able to in a year.' "

Amy Halpenny, who runs Toronto's Ella Centre for Pregnancy & Parenting, which runs prenatal yoga, childbirth education and parenting classes, says she's not surprised by the phenomenon.

"We find fathers are taking a much more involved role, including paternity leaves," she says, immersing themselves in birth plans, the latest and greatest baby gear, pregnancy massage and even birth partner yoga classes.

"My father golfed 18 holes and ate my grandmother's homemade raspberry pie while my mother gave birth. That would not happen today!"

At Grant's man shower there were modest gifts -- a Bass Pro Outlet red trucker cap, card, the baby carrier and 10-pound sack of potatoes.

"Gary decided for training I'd have to wear it the rest of the night."

Instead of cakes and elaborately packaged gifts, the focus was fun and friends. Out of the 10, besides Butler, there was one stepdad, one engaged guy, two more in "significant relationships," one with a complicated love life -- which was fodder for much of the conversation -- and three bachelors.

"There was a designated drinker, who was not me, who went overboard and was ill and came back again. That makes it memorable. At least someone embarrassed themselves."

There were other shenanigans. At some point, the boys took to taking chomps of the potatoes, offering them up to strangers by saying, "Take a bite of Eric's offspring!" and playing potato bowling in the street.

At karaoke there were no baby songs, but Grant says there were a few he has subsequently used for lullabies for little Fletcher.

Although it sounds like a Bachelor Party Part Two, Grant says it wasn't as "intense," and he enjoyed the interest from strangers, some of whom were parents themselves, offering their congratulations.

"The difference was I was conscious past 10 p.m. No one was plying me with ridiculous drinks. We stuck to beer," he says. "It's a little more dignified. As one of us said, five years on, we're a little bit older, we don't have that geeky impulse to really make someone violently ill."

And will the man shower catch on? Grant says he would throw one for the next friend who is expecting. And a friend of Grant's wife is already jealous that her mate will have a better time at his man-shower than she will at hers.

"He'd get this great party and she wouldn't get to go out drinking because she was pregnant, so she'd be envious."

The night ended at 2:30, after last call at the karaoke bar. His friends furnished him with $40 for the cab home, which turned out to be another gift.

"It was only $20 so that was the start of Fletcher's college fund."